


everyone's the same when you peel off their skin

by kanyewesevans



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:27:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23277832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanyewesevans/pseuds/kanyewesevans
Summary: He always knew Rei was damaged, there's no way one of the five eccentrics would be okay mentally, before or after the war. Whenever anyone would try and delve into Rei's mind, they'd only get hurt. It was almost funny how symbolic this all looked, the scene turning Rei into the bloody rose he always felt like. Rei as the budding flower with thorns poking out to protect himself. Kaoru himself had gotten cut by those hypothetical thorns on multiple occasions in the past. They're hidden when you look at the flower itself, but they're definitely there.
Relationships: Hakaze Kaoru/Sakuma Rei
Comments: 13
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> it's ya boy back at it again. this one hit me when i was trying to sleep a few months ago but i had issues translating the image in my mind to word...i hope i managed it properly

Graduation came and went, as did their travels upon graduation. Rei had found a very nice two bedroom apartment and found it took little convincing to get Kaoru to move in with him, that Kaoru actually expected to move in with him (which took Rei by surprise but he did his best to hide his excitement). Two bedrooms beside each other, a nice spacey living room that took only a _little_ finagling to put Rei's piano in, a cozy kitchen that seemed to come right out of a romance movie's newlyweds' apartment, and a small bathroom that Kaoru decorated with beach paraphernalia. They were able to keep a comfortable distance with the help of their opposite sleep schedules, Rei was almost always awake until the late AM while Kaoru maintained a rather ordinary sleep schedule (with the exception for nights he'd spend goofing off with Rei or nights he'd bring a girl home, much to his roommate's chagrin). It was almost a perfect roommate set up, in fact the only real issues were their inability to take care of each other in emotional stress. They may be living together and can be comfortable around each other, but some lines have still yet to be crossed. They knew it would happen eventually, but at the same time actively sought to avoid letting the other in on any tense emotional moments.

That is until Kaoru woke suddenly to a loud crashing noise in the apartment. It's not unusual to hear weird noises at night because Rei is the one up making them, but a crash like that is a tad unusual. He groggily opened his eyes and sat up, waiting to hear an obscenity or a "whoops," but one never came. Odd. He squinted, looking towards the door.

"Rei-kun?" He calls out, keeping his eyes on the door for a response that never comes. He waits a moment, then climbs out of bed with his blanket around him and stumbles to the door, cracking it open a bit. "Rei-kun? Are you alright?" He calls out from his doorway to the rest of the dark apartment.

There's still no response and he can't seem to locate the vampire in his immediate line of vision. He opens the door further, looking around. There's no sign of him in the living room or kitchen nor does it seem like anyone's broken in...He looks towards Rei's room, then the bathroom. The bathroom door is closed, but there is light peeking out form under the door and he deduces that that must be where Rei is.

Rei's one to space off, especially when he's alone like this, so it's not too shocking that the man didn't respond, or maybe he just straight up couldn't hear him. There's a high chance he's been caught up in his own thoughts- though if that's the case, it does make the crash a little more worrying.

Kaoru knocks on the door lightly, but enough to be heard. "Rei-kun, you okay in there?" He hears a slight shuffling, but no words or even a "mhm" from the other side. He furrowed his brow and knocked again, harder. "Rei-kun, you're starting to worry me, at least say something." It's quiet again for a moment and Kaoru reaches for the doorknob, only to find it's locked.

"-oru..." Rei's voice was quiet, Kaoru hardly caught what he said. He hears shuffling from behind the door coming closer, then a slight thump against the door. Kaoru looks down, seeing that the light from the bathroom is now being blocked by a figure.

"Rei-kun? Can you unlock the door?" Kaoru kept his hand on the doorknob, but let himself lean against the door as well. Rei stays quiet again, unmoving. Something's wrong, that's for sure...Kaoru sighs and looks down at the knob, can he just get like a coin to unlock from the outside or is there- there's a keyhole. Awesome, great. "If you don't, I will go looking for the key to the door, it's gotta be in the kitchen somewhere."

There's a pause, but he hears the lock undo, the light from under the door growing again as Rei moves away from it. "'S open. Don't come in without shoes on." Wh- why not?

Kaoru slowly opened the door, trying not to startle Rei- though it's not Rei who is startled when the bathroom is revealed.

The man in question sits against the wall, eyes glazed over, revealing his current mindset to Kaoru clear as day. His mind is elsewhere at the moment, trapped in a parade of negative thoughts. Surrounding him is various glass shards, leading in a line towards the now broken mirror above the sink. Kaoru glances between Rei and the mirror, stopping on Rei as he spots various scratches along Rei's arms and legs, his hands and legs in the worst condition. He then notices the slight trails of blood from mirror to door to wall. He blinks, taking in the sight in front of him.

He always knew Rei was damaged, there's no way one of the five eccentrics would be okay mentally, before or after the war. Whenever anyone would try and delve into Rei's mind, they'd only get hurt. It was almost funny how symbolic this all looked, the scene turning Rei into the bloody rose he always felt like. Rei as the budding flower with thorns poking out to protect himself. Kaoru himself had gotten cut by those hypothetical thorns on multiple occasions in the past. They're hidden when you look at the flower itself, but they're definitely there. He can now see the thorns scattered around Rei and see how they have come to hurt the flower as well...but this time, he can avoid them. This time...he can get into the rose bush to help his dear friend.

He tightens his lips into a line before nodding and turning back to his room in a rush to get his slippers on. He ditches his blanket on his bed and power walks to the kitchen to grab the broom before returning to the bathroom. Rei makes an attempt to move again, wincing as he puts pressure on his hands.

"No no- stay there, let me clean up the room first." Kaoru sets the dust pan down, starting to sweep as much glass as he can up. "Then I'll clean you up." It's...a mess, but thankfully there's more larger pieces than smaller- though now that he thinks about it, that could be because the smaller pieces are in Rei's skin...No, he'll think about that in a moment. Take this one step at a time. He shakes his head in an attempt to clear his head as he continues cleaning.

Rei watches, some of the life in his eyes returning, but not quite. Despite Kaoru's objections, he still pushes himself up more, at least to not be in a slouch. He looks over his hands as Kaoru cleans. Shards of mirror pushed into his skin, blood starting to scab over where it's able to come out. It's the blood that starts to actually pull him out of his head. "Kaoru I...apologize for this. I'm not sure what came over me."

Kaoru paused pushing the rest of the glass into the dust pan and looked back towards Rei. "...Did you break the mirror?"

Rei kept his gaze away from Kaoru, scowling. "I...did. Something about my reflection just...overfilled me with rage...or perhaps even sorrow. I didn't wish to see it and I..." He trails off, looking towards his cut up pants, blood staining the fabric as well. "What a mess I've made."

Kaoru heads out of the bathroom with the dust pan and broom, looking back to Rei with concern. For now he'll just leave the dust pan on the kitchen counter and they can deal with that later. He leaves the broom back where it was and returns to the bathroom to hunt down their first aid kit. He sets the toilet seat down, glancing to Rei. "Are you able to stand?"

Rei attempted to stand up and grimaced, slumping back down and shaking his head. "All my energy seems to have depleted."

Kaoru hums and sets the first aid kit down before making his way to where Rei was currently sitting. "I'll pick you up then." Rei is all bone and little muscle for someone as strong as he is. Kaoru carefully wrapped his arms just under Rei's to lift him, carefully maneuvering him to the toilet before setting him down. "There we are." He gives him a small smile before starting to dig around in the first aid kit. Tweezers, he needs tweezers.

"I...apologize. I'm a grown man, I should be able to clean myself up." Rei lifted his arm for Kaoru once he had located the tweezers. Kaoru set down a hand towel on the counter and began to pull out pieces of glass from Rei's hands.

"But you can't, I'm just glad that the mirror breaking woke me up." Kaoru mumbled, carefully removing piece after piece. Rei hardly flinched with each removal, only really reacting to the larger shards. The blond looked up, watching as Rei's eyes gloss over again.

"Ah...I apologize for waking you then. You humans need your sleep-"

"No more apologizing, with us living together, I was bound to end up seeing you like this one day." Though this was quite the extreme version of what he pictured. "Just as you're bound to find me in a similar state eventually." Kaoru finished with the first hand, setting the tweezers down, ran the water in the sink and lead Rei's hand to it, not directly running it under but more so passing the water from the faucet to his own hand down to Rei's, dried his hand, then started to wrap it up with the smallest roll of gauze. "Ugh why does this kit only have this size. I might have to run to the convenience store to grab more."

Rei looked down, frowning, his mind attempting to come back. "There is some larger gauze in my room for when you get to my legs." He waits for the question of 'why do you have that?' but it doesn't come. He looks back up to Kaoru, catching the question in his eyes, but refuses to answer. "It's much too late for you to be outside on your own. I'd worry for you as I couldn't come with you." Kaoru nodded slowly and returned to his work, finishing the dressing on his hand and moving to the other one.

"Do you want to talk about anything?" Even if it's not about...this, but he doesn't say that in hopes it draws Rei out to talk about _this_.

"I fear I hardly have the energy to speak in depth about this situation." He glanced down at the floor again, spotting his own blood trail. Oh.

"It doesn't have to be about this if you don't want to. I'm sure I can imagine just how much has built up to it, it's probably a lot to explain, hm?" Kaoru finished the other hand, repeating the process with this one, somewhat having to pull at Rei to reach the sink. Rei nodded, eyes starting to glaze over again. Shit. "Ah- nevermind we can talk about it another time. What time did you get up? I don't remember seeing you up and about when I fell asleep."

Rei takes a moment to respond, whether it's to think about the time or to think through his negative thoughts, Kaoru can't tell. "You were just going to bed when I woke up, but I didn't leave my bed for a while. I heard you singing that little song as you were preparing for bed." His eyes start to light up again and Kaoru lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He cuts off the gauze once the hand is wrapped properly.

"I get that. I do that sometimes too." He doesn't comment on the song, but it does help him figure out the time Rei woke up easier. "Where in your room is the larger gauze? I don't think this will cut it for your legs." He sets to locating the antiseptic wipes in the first aid kit, it's not like he can get Rei's legs under the water after all.

"In the drawer next to my bed, they're in a box." Kaoru nods and makes his way out of the bathroom. Rei takes this moment alone to assess himself in privacy, or rather, it won't be private in a moment as he'll need to take his pants off anyways for Kaoru to take care of the cuts on his legs. He struggles a moment trying to push them off without standing, but they eventually fall to his ankles. He can't say this is exactly how he would've wanted Kaoru to see him without pants-

"Whoa- okay yeah I guess this would be easier huh." Kaoru walked back in, box in hand. Rei looked back up at him slightly startled, Kaoru chuckling a little as he places the box on the counter. "Just a little bit more at least, hm? Let's see..." Kaoru hums, leaning against the counter as he stares at Rei's legs.

Rei watches his face, attempting to analyze his thoughts. Kaoru glances between his legs, then the floor, then his legs, then his face- he blinks. Kaoru furrows his brow and averts his gaze back to the floor. It's been some time since Kaoru's "no homo" days and the man had definitely been a lot better lately with interacting with men but Rei can see that that part of Kaoru hasn't quite left him.

"Any longer and the glass will become permanently part of my skin." He speaks without really thinking. Kaoru clicks his tongue, taking the tweezers and kneeling to the ground in one swift motion.

"Yeah yeah." The urge to rip out the first piece for that is strong, but he resists. "Are you feeling better? I'm assuming so if you can make quips like that."

"I suppose-" Rei grimaces as a larger piece is pulled out, gripping the counter, then the shock of pain from his hands causes him to grimace again, letting out a grunt. He's certainly more there if he's able to react to pain now. Kaoru pauses, looking up at him for a moment with a frown before returning. More of the pieces seem to have landed in his legs than his hands...

"Maybe we should run you to the ER..." He pulls another larger piece out, surveying the rest of the cuts.

"No- at least not tonight...Tomorrow, when I have more energy." Rei is quick on the reply, he must've also been thinking about it...In fact any normal person would go to the emergency room the moment they saw someone in Rei's position. They aren't exactly normal people though so that would explain why it didn't occur to either of them at first.

"Hmm...you're right. This will have to do for tonight..." He sighed, eyeing the expanse of Rei's leg for any stray glass pieces before pulling out an antiseptic wipe to start wiping him down. Rei hissed as the wipe passed through his cuts, reaching to Kaoru's shoulder in an attempt to stop the pain. Kaoru paused for a moment, then continued going. "It hurts but we don't want you to get infected, I'm sure vampires can still get gnarly infections."

"Yes...infections of the flesh do tend to hinder us." Rei grits through his teeth, clutching at Kaoru like his life depended on it.

The blond chuckles a little at the terms used, how dramatic. "There's still your whole other leg to go and you're already acting like I'm stabbing you repeatedly. You doing alright?" He glances up for a second as he begins applying the gauze, carefully lifting Rei's leg to get underneath.

"I'm...alright." He breathes, loosening his grip once he realizes how hard he was doing so. "You're really good at this."

"Good, I'm glad you're more here now that you can be in pain." He keeps Rei's leg lifted as he wraps around again. "Am I? It's just basic first aid knowledge I thought." Kaoru cut off the roll from what was applied and gently pats Rei's leg before moving to the other one. "Though I suppose I've had some experience in wound cleansing from having siblings." And of course his own darker topics, but this isn't the time to bring up his thorns, is it?

"Did you take care of them like this?" Rei's grip becomes stronger as Kaoru starts to remove glass again.

"My sister sometimes. It wasn't often since she wasn't really prone to injury but it did happen here and there. If anything actually, my knowledge came from her tending to my wounds that I got just being a child and doing stupid child things. She wanted me to be able to care for myself, I think." Rei's leg twitches a bit as another piece is pulled out and he places his free hand on it to keep it still, ignoring Rei's grip on him currently.

"I see...she did a good job I think- Ah-" Another large shard is pulled out and he practically kicks Kaoru in response, knocking the man back a bit by surprise. "Sorry..."

Kaoru blinks up at Rei for a moment, then laughs. "Wow! What a reaction." He sits back up, starting to position Rei's leg slightly differently on his lap to keep it steady. "We're learning some stuff, such as the fact your reactions are fairly human when your mind is more in the moment, hm?" He looks up at Rei, smiling. Rei looks down at him dumbfounded for a moment before returning the smile faintly.

"You might be right."

The small talk continued as Kaoru finished Rei's leg up, ran a brand new wipe over the cuts, and patched it up. Nothing too specific, jumping from topic to topic to get Rei's mind away from the reasoning they're in this situation at nearly 5am. If they focused too long on one topic, it would somehow circle back to something negative and Kaoru did his best to prevent that. After Rei was completely patched up, Kaoru took Rei's tattered and bloodied pants and tossed them to the laundry bin (after shaking loose any glass that got stuck in it, reassuring Rei that they can simply stitch up the cuts in it). Kaoru left again to grab the dustpan of mirror shards and placed every single piece pulled from Rei and from Rei's pants into it before returning it to where he had set it before. Next order of business was getting Rei his slippers from his room and placing them on for him in his limited energy, which he was able to do on his way back from the kitchen.

"Alright, let's get you to stand up, are you still not able to do it on your own?" Rei struggled a moment to push himself up, only to slump back and shake his head. "Alright, hold tight to me then." Kaoru leaned forward, once again wrapping his arms just under Rei's to lift him, Rei's hands grasping his back as he stood. "You're doing great, Rei-kun." Once Rei was steady on his feet, Kaoru released an arm from around him, but left him leaning against him. "Your room?"

"...May I stay in your room with you? If you don't mind that is." There's slight hesitation in his words, but Kaoru just smiled at him.

"Of course, if that's what'll keep you in this state of mind then I don't mind it." Kaoru flipped off the bathroom light and started towards his room, going just slow enough that Rei could keep up.

"Thank you, Kaoru. I appreciate your hospitality."

"Any time, Rei-kun. We're partners, aren't we?" He pushes his bedroom door open more to fit the two of them through as they walk.

"...We are." He smiles again at Kaoru, letting it be just slightly more noticeable, as much as his current stamina allows.

They approach the bed and Kaoru uses a foot to push his blankets back a little more before setting Rei down. Rei quickly, or well, as quickly as he can, moves to the side of the bed closer to the wall to allow Kaoru the room to get in bed as well. He climbs in after Rei and pulls the blanket over the both of them, resting against his pillows. He beckons for Rei to move closer to him, which the vampire takes up immediately, positioning himself so he can wrap his arms around Kaoru.

"You've changed a lot, Kaoru...Just a year ago I would've had to convince you to hold me like this...or even take care of me like you did." Rei mumbles against the pillow, turning just slightly to look Kaoru in the eyes.

"Hm, and who do I have to thank for that? Ah yes, the man I'm speaking to right now." He laughs a bit. "Though I suppose it was for the best that I changed, I can hardly believe the person I used to be."

Rei lifted a hand weakly to stroke Kaoru's cheek, keeping a small smile. "I think I just nudged you on the right path, you did the changing on your own."

Kaoru took Rei's hand in his own, softly moving their hands between them. "Still, it was you involved. I think it's rather late to get too deep into the conversation though, hm? You've looked like you've been on the verge of passing out for a while now, get some rest. We have to take you to the ER tomorrow to double check my patch-job still."

The vampire nodded and returned his arm to be laying across Kaoru's waist. It took maybe 30 whole seconds before Rei was out of it, completely worn out and spent. Kaoru sighed once he was sure the other was asleep and stroked Rei's hair lightly. A line has been crossed this early morning. He feels like this line should've been crossed months ago, to be completely honest, but he's just glad at this point that it finally was. Now it's his turn to let Rei in, but that'll come in time he supposes. For now all he can do is prepare for that time, prepare for the hurt in Rei's eyes he knows he'll see when he finds Kaoru's wave crashing in on him.

No, this is not the time to think about himself. For now, it's about his fearless leader who has more fears than he lets on to anyone, including himself. He stops stroking his hair to wrap that arm around Rei and pull him closer, this will be his safe space for the coming morning. He places his hand behind Rei's head to continue petting him until he himself falls back into sleep.

They can both deal with this specific demon of Rei's in the afternoon after they're both rested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you THINK i wouldn't end with a cuddle scene? you thought i, soul, who writes mainly cuddle fics, wouldn't find a way to turn this to a cuddle fic?  
> this fic ended up being named after pinocchiop's "what's inside" since i feel it captures the state of mind rei has like. perfectly. hai hai...
> 
> anyways hmu @kanyewesevans or @makahatsune on twitter it's been real reikao hours lately


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's not sure if it's the knowledge of the texts, or the fact that Kaoru was just sitting there staring at the water for the time he spends walking over, but seeing Kaoru suddenly stand up and walk towards the water sparked some anxiety in Rei. Kaoru has always been a troubled individual, he was just so much better at hiding it. It hits him then, what if Kaoru had already let himself be carried off by the waves by the time Rei got here? Surely, he wouldn't, there'd be too many people around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to that person who said it'd be sexy if there was a part 2 idk if this is what u expected but this is what i had in mind for a part 2 since i posted this fic. i wanted to portray both character's issues they deal with, not just one half of them.

Rei woke up in the early evening after several rounds of trying to wake up, only to sleep for another hour. His body eventually said "enough" and wouldn't allow him to sleep any longer, in which he took as a sign to wake up as slowly as possible. He groggily turned over to look at his alarm clock, noting the numbers reading out 6pm. Wow, he sure did sleep! He thinks for a moment on how long he's been asleep, finding that he doesn't remember what time he went to bed. It had to be early morning at the very least.

His next train of thought was to check his phone, something he only recently started to do being that he finally learned how to use his phone. He notices a few missed texts from Kaoru and begrudgingly unlocks his phone. Kaoru's messages are important enough to ignore his sleepy mind, the man had also left the apartment for the day and well, Rei can't claim to _not_ be worried.

**From:** Kaoru <3 [09:37]  
[Attachment]  
She looks amazing in her dress! I thought you would like to see.

**From:** Kaoru <3 [14:45]  
Something came up, so I'll be home slightly later than I predicted.

**From:** Kaoru <3 [16:06]  
I got home and you were still asleep, I tried waking you up but to no avail. I'm going to the beach for a bit.

Rei smiles a little at the picture: a very amateurish shot of Kaoru's sister in her wedding dress, next to her now husband. He slowly types out a response.

**To:** Kaoru <3 [18:24]  
She is positively gorgeous. I wish I would've been able to go with you, but outdoor weddings during the daytime just begs for me to sleep through the event. I do look forward to your retelling when you get home. I hope things are alright, if not, I am here to talk to. Would you like me to make or order some food, or have you stuffed yourself with the wedding catering?

A long text in comparison to his partner's, but the whole unit has gotten used to his text rambling at this point, and surely they prefer it all at once rather than in multiple messages.

He pushes himself to sit up and stretches his limbs out, a loud groan escaping him as he does so. He gets out of bed and makes his way to the kitchen, where he finds that Kaoru didn't start the coffee machine up like he usually does for Rei in the evenings. "Must've been in a rush to get to the beach..." Rei mumbles to himself, starting the machine on his own, or at least, attempting to for a good few minutes until he actually does get it going. Kaoru was busy today after all, he can't blame the man for spacing out on this one miniscule task. While it runs, he makes his way out of the apartment to check the mail, finding only bills in the envelopes that were received. He'll discuss them later with Kaoru.

He checks his phone when he returns to the apartment, finding no response from his partner. Hm.

**To:** Kaoru <3 [18:40]  
Are you surfing currently? Isn't it a little late to be surfing? It is also quite late to be swimming if you're alone.

He sends another text and can practically _hear_ Kaoru's text tone in his head. A calming wind chime that's just noticeable enough to warrant being a notification for a text. With how much Kaoru texts, it's not too shocking that he can subconsciously come up with the sound.

**To:** Kaoru <3 [18:42]  
I am thinking about getting something from the restaurant down the street if you want me to wait so we can go together.

When he sends his third text, he hears the text tone again. Wait...that's odd. He looks around the living room, squinting. Did Kaoru come home and he just forgot to update Rei before going to bed early or taking a nap? He pockets his phone and makes his way to Kaoru's door, knocking lightly.

"Kaoru? Are you home?" He asks through the door, receiving no answer. He clicks his tongue, opening the door to Kaoru's room and flicks on the light. There is no sign of Kaoru, but it is clear that he did in fact come home at some point. His belongings have been scattered throughout the room and his surfboard has disappeared from where it's usually kept. He notices Kaoru's phone on his bedside table and sighs. He left his phone behind, now that's troublesome. He picks it up, screen turning on at his touch and he notices a large amount of text notifications not just from himself, but from Kaoru's sister, brother, and an unknown number as well; there are some missed calls as well. That's puzzling. He doesn't know Kaoru's passcode to get into his phone, but he can at least read the last things each person has sent him.

**From:** Unknown Number [18:04] [5 missed texts]  
This is not funny anymore, just because you're moved out on your own does not mean you can act like a toddler anymore. All I ask is for a proper response as to...

**From:** An [17:02] [2 missed texts]  
Kaoru-chan, I apologize so much for what happened. Dad says you're not responding to his texts, please text back, I'm worried.

**From:** Taro [16:00]  
Dad's not happy, you should really try responding to him.

Well, Kaoru did say something came up. He hums, then takes the phone with him as he leaves Kaoru's room. Today's plans have changed slightly with this new information. The coffee machine beeps to alert him that it's finished. He ignores it and heads into his own room to get changed into some outside appropriate clothing. Sure he could just wear his pajamas out, but as an idol, he unfortunately has to keep up a public appearance. Plus, his destination is the beach, he doesn't want sand in his pajamas. He exits his room with some jeans and a t-shirt on, umbrella in hand as unfortunately, the sun is still out. Double checking that he has his keys on him before heading out of the apartment and locking the door behind him.

They picked a building that was close to a beach specifically for Kaoru. It was a little more pricey than some other places, but it makes Kaoru happy, so Rei wasn't about to complain about the price. He doesn't usually follow Kaoru to the beach for obvious reasons, but he does at least know the way there and back. The locals in the area unfamiliar with Undead gave him weird looks for a while for always having an umbrella with him outdoors, but they grew used to it over time. He still gets approached every now and then asking why he doesn't let himself get sunlight, but it's much less these days.

It's a few minutes walk to the beach, but he arrives, finding it not as busy as it usually is; it's a weekday, so he supposes that makes sense. He starts scanning the shore for his roommate, or his roommate's surfboard. He hears a chuckle as a couple walks past him, bumping into him slightly, but he pays no mind. He could call out for Kaoru, but he fears that it might just annoy him with the possible state of mind he's in. The sun is starting to set, so quite a few more people are packing up their belongings and he decides to wait a bit to see if he can't spot Kaoru after a few more people leave. The less blonde hair in the crowd, the better.

He rests against a wall on the beach, watching as families and couples make their way out, for a while until the beach is emptier than before. He almost falls asleep waiting, only to wake up when he hears a car honk in the parking lot. He deems enough people have left at that point and walks to a more visible spot again, taking a glance around once more. There's only a small amount of people left at this point, the sun having set some more in the time he's been waiting and not many people are wanting to stick around for nighttime on the beach. A shame really, he finds the beach at night to be quite pleasant. He finally spots Kaoru on the other end of the beach, sitting near the water with his surfboard and bag, and starts to walk over. He hates walking in the sand, he really does, he can already feel sand entering his shoes.

He's not sure if it's the knowledge of the texts, or the fact that Kaoru was just sitting there staring at the water for the time he spends walking over, but seeing Kaoru suddenly stand up and walk towards the water sparked some anxiety in Rei. Kaoru has always been a troubled individual, he was just so much better at hiding it. It hits him then, what if Kaoru had already let himself be carried off by the waves by the time Rei got here? Surely, he wouldn't, there'd be too many people around. What if he had done so while Rei was waiting for people to leave? There would be less people paying attention, it's definitely possible...His delay in locating the boy could've cost him his life! He finds himself picking up his pace, both hands on his umbrella handle as he nears running.

"Kaoru!!!" He calls out once he's close enough that he's sure he'll be heard. Kaoru, now standing with the water running over his feet, looks up from the ground to spot Rei running towards him- huh? Rei finds himself growing slightly light headed as he moves towards the sun setting over the water. His heart is racing and it hits him that maybe he wasn't meant to do heavy exercise today. In hindsight, maybe running was a bit stupid. He slows down and stops in one place, hand reaching up to hold his head as he attempts to keep his balance. He at least got Kaoru's attention! Kaoru approaches him quickly, having noticed Rei's skin grow paler in the weay it does when he's about to faint.

"Rei-kun? What are you- are you okay?" Kaoru is in front of him, hands placed on his shoulders to help ease him. Rei nods, a groan escaping instead of any words. "Here, come sit down-" He walks him over to where his belongings were, easing him down onto the towel that's splayed out. The vampire just lets himself be lead, trying his best to stay conscious and upright. "What the hell was that about? Jeez, you look so pale, are you okay?" Kaoru knelt next to Rei, brushing Rei's hair out of his face. "Oh my god you're so cold, why were you so keen on fainting at the beach?"

Rei glanced to him, opening his mouth to speak but nothing comes out at first. A deep breath in and out. "I was...worried." Quiet as he brings his hand back to his head, ohh that was really dumb. Kaoru sighed, then laughed.

"The fact that you came out to find me while the sun is still up really proves how worried you were, sorry about that." He moved to sit down next to Rei, the latter taking to lean against him, head on his shoulder. "I take it you read my text about going to the beach?"

"...You left your phone in the apartment." He takes his hand away from his head to dig in his pocket clumsily, producing Kaoru's phone in a second. "I saw the texts. I didn't really mean to, they were just there."

Kaoru takes his phone, unlocking it to see the texts himself. Ah yes, _the_ texts. Most of them he had already seen and ignored on purpose. He frowns, shaking his head. "Yeah, those were the reason I left my phone behind. At least they finally shut up." He starts to type out a reply to his sister, but just marks the others as read. "Sorry you had to see that, I guess that didn't help your worries either, hm?"

Rei shook his head. "Did something happen at the wedding? You were looking forward to it, after all." His head starts to go back to the usual "tired but able to function" feeling, but he stays put for now.

The blond sighed, setting his phone down beside him. "It was a really nice wedding, then the party happened and my dad still isn't all that keen on me staying an idol. It kind of broke into a fight."

"I'm sorry, I wish I could've been there for you." Rei frowns. He figured it had to be with Kaoru's dad, but he would never be able to guess what the offense was this time around.

"Nah, I'll be honest, it would've made him even madder if you were there. You're the one who invited me to Undead after all, and the one who invited me to live with you." He looked down to Rei, who was starting to close his eyes. "Hey hey, no sleeping on the beach."

Rei hums. "Not sleeping, just relaxing. I nearly fainted a moment ago." He opened his eyes again though when Kaoru pushed him away to stand up. "Hey." Kaoru reaches a hand out to Rei, which the vampire takes to pull himself up in one wobbily action.

"Let's get into a building before you faint here, hm? Have you eaten yet?" He keeps hold of Rei's hand.

"Not yet, no. I actually found your phone attempting to ask you if you wished to go to that restaurant--I don't recall the name--the one close to the apartment?" Rei intertwines their fingers, leaning against Kaoru as he stands. "Though now we're a little further away, we can go somewhere else? No harm in that." He rests his head against Kaoru's, leaning all his body weight onto the other.

Kaoru hums. "Let's go to the one closer to home, that will get you home quicker too." He smiles. "You're practically falling asleep on me as it is."

"Not falling asleep, as I said, just resting." He hums as well. "Alright, let's gather up your things then." A pause, looking to the surfboard. "Ah...suppose we need to make a stop at home first." Kaoru follows his gaze.

"Ah...suppose you're right. Maybe we can order take-out instead?" He smiles. "That way I won't have to eventually carry you back home after you pass o-"

"I am not going to pass out, Kaoru." Rei pouts. "But that might be best then." He stands straight again long enough for Kaoru to grab his towel, which he hands to Rei before grabbing his surfboard, which is when he lets go of Rei's hand, earning yet another pout from the vampire.

"Don't give me that look, come on."

"Fiiine."

* * *

The sound of the shower running fills the apartment, Rei finds himself waking up on the couch, not quite recounting his steps to the couch in the first place. He feels a vague headache coming in and resigns himself to laying down, an arm resting across his eyes as he tries to fight off more sleep. The shower turns off and a moment later, Kaoru exits the bathroom with a towel around his neck and a pair of shorts on. Rei uncovers his eyes at the sound of the door opening and pushes himself up to look over. Kaoru sends a smile his way, approaching the vampire and sitting on the arm of the couch.

"Well good morning, Mr. _"I'm not falling asleep, just resting."_ " He chuckles as Rei collapses back onto his back, both hands going to rub at his eyes and groans. "You alright?"

"I have...a slight headache now..." He pulls at his cheeks a bit as he drags his hands down his face, looking up at Kaoru. "When did I pass out?"

"Hmm...about a block away from the building. You suddenly collapsed on me. I didn't let you fall though~" He stands up again, heading back into the bathroom and rummages around for a second before coming back out and into the kitchen. Rei hears the tap running, then Kaoru returns, placing a glass on the table and holds his hand out to Rei with a pill in it. "Here you go."

Rei takes the pill from Kaoru begrudgingly and Kaoru hands over the glass of water for him. "Thank you Kaoru. My apologies for having to carry me home." Kaoru sits back on the arm. "I really overworked myself there." He sits up, leaning against the arm and resting his head against Kaoru's legs. "The more important question is are _you_ alright?"

Kaoru hums, placing a hand on Rei's head to comb through his hair. "Your hair is a rat's nest, did you brush it before leaving the apartment?"

Rei closes his eyes, leaning into Kaoru's touch. "You're avoiding my question, dear."

"Not avoiding, just thinking."

"Hey." Rei furrows his brows, opening his eyes to look up at his partner. Kaoru matches his gaze and chuckles, brushing Rei's bangs to the side. "You looked at the sea so despairingly...I thought maybe-"

"You Deadmanz members sure have a depressing outlook on life." He smiles to Rei. "I'm fine, we can talk about it later when you're less prone to fainting. It's not that I want to keep this from you, just that I think we should both be in the right mindset to talk about it."

Rei hums, then closes his eyes again. "I understand. Have you ordered food yet?"

"Not yet, I was waiting for you to wake up, should we have a look at our options?" He pulls his phone out.

Rei smiled. "Yes...let's see what there is. You can pick, at the end though. I most likely won't have any objections."

"Hell yeah, how about some pizza? Some feel good food, yeah?" Kaoru is already typing on the browser for the local pizza place, not waiting for a proper answer.

"If that's what you want, I have no complaints." Rei shut his eyes again, going quiet. He's so curious, he's so worried, he's so...upset that he couldn't be there. He breathes in deeply, letting out the breath in a huff.

"I'll get it half plain for you and then- hey stop thinking so hard over there, you're going to worsen your headache." He feels Kaoru pat his head, then re-brushes his bangs to catch any lose strands. "Still worried? It's all over your face."

Rei hummed, then grunted as he sat up. "Perhaps...But when am I not? You know me better than anyone else to know that I don't know how to not be worried." He leans against the back of the couch and Kaoru places a hand on his shoulder to rub it.

"Of course, but now you're going to make me worried." Kaoru clicks through his order screen, finishing up the order. "I swear, we'll talk about it, okay? Just relax for now. I just ordered the pizza and we don't want the poor delivery man to get hit with the negative energy that's accumulated in the apartment." He pockets his phone again, confirming that he has actually finished the order.

Rei chuckles, reaching to take Kaoru's arm in his hands, tugging slightly. "Sit down on the actual couch, I can't rest on you if you're on the arm." Kaoru lets out a hearty laugh at that, pulling his arm back. Rei smiles a little, reaching for his arm again. "Come onnnn."

"Fine fine." He stands up and walks around Rei to sit next to him, the vampire immediately leaning against him, nuzzling into his neck. "Don't fall asleep on me, 'cause I'll let you fall when the pizza gets here."

"Mmm that's okay, I don't mind." Rei smiles. "Besides, I know you won't actually let me fall...you'd push me to be against the couch." He starts to mumble, already feeling his eyes close naturally.

"You don't know that." Kaoru chuckled, letting his head rest against Rei's. "What if I do?"

"Mmyou won't." He smiles, taking a deep breath.

He's right, after all. Unless Kaoru really spaced out on Rei's presence, he knows he wouldn't just let him fall over. And he doesn't, he feels Kaoru gently move him when there's a knock at the door, he stirs slightly at the movement before falling asleep again, only for Kaoru to nudge him awake with a few slices held out to him. He eats relatively quietly once Kaoru joins him on the couch again, small talk filling the living room here and there. Rei avoids asking about the wedding, saving that for when they're both ready for that conversation. Kaoru still goes on about some of the events of the wedding, beaming with delight recounting how amazing it was and how beautiful his sister looked.

They still have all night, perhaps letting Kaoru's mind drift away is actually for the better before they talk. Forcing him to talk too soon could hurt him more in the long run, Rei figures. He can wait until Kaoru is ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hai haiiiiii....  
> of course i kept things vague, u want me to think more? stream what's inside by pinocchioP
> 
> as stated in ch1, find me over on twitter @makahatsune for my daily ramblings and mobage reactions and @kanyewesevans for my art/fic archive

**Author's Note:**

> you THINK i wouldn't end with a cuddle scene? you thought i, soul, who writes mainly cuddle fics, wouldn't find a way to turn this to a cuddle fic?  
> this fic ended up being named after pinocchiop's "what's inside" since i feel it captures the state of mind rei has like. perfectly. hai hai...
> 
> anyways hmu @kanyewesevans or @makahatsune on twitter it's been real reikao hours lately


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